The Chair Is Empty

This is Neil's chair in the dining room.  It's been empty all summer.  I actually have to dust it now!

As a parent we have such an awesome first row seat to watch our children experience many milestones:    sleeping through the night, crawling, walking, saying their first word, first day of kindergarten, losing their first tooth, the first sleep over, the first formal dance, getting their driver’s license, graduating high school, etc.….   Some milestones are so exciting and yet at the same time are bittersweet because as much as we want to bottle up those moments and press the pause button, time marches on.  So we do our best every day to utilize the short amount of time we have with our children.  We spend our days teaching and training diligently.  We sacrifice, worry, pray, and lose sleep over these blessings of ours.    We weep with them when their hearts are hurting.  We laugh with them in the happiest of times.  We constantly do our best to encourage, celebrate, and cheer them on in all they are involved in!  We strive to direct them, guide them, and set boundaries for them when needed, all the while wondering how they will make it in this crazy mixed up world.  At times this parenting process is downright exhausting!  Some stages we think will never end.  All too soon however, we wake up one day and their chair is empty.  Not only is it empty for a few days, but this time it stays empty.  That’s exactly where we are with our oldest, Neil.

A very fun day in the snow!  Where in the world did the time go?!

    In our house we have assigned seats for everyone around our dinner table and in our vans.  Did you know there are more special seats around our table and in our vans than others?   I’m not quite sure why the left side of the bench is most desired over the right side at the dinner table, or why sitting in the right captain’s chair is so much better than the left, but nonetheless, to the Ferris children these things really do matter.  Thus, assigned seats have been our solution to this dilemma.  During Neil’s high school years his seat gradually became vacant more and more.  In fact, he was gone so much his senior year we moved Sarah off the bench she was sharing with the two little boys into Neil’s chair when he wasn’t around for meals.  She began sitting in the captain’s chair instead of the back bench with the boys when we were travelling.  It took all of us some getting used to not having Neil around.  To be honest our dinner table not only looked different, but it also had a different atmosphere!  He adds so much laughter around our table!  It is always a party when Neil is home!

He always adds a lot of fun no matter where he is!

Oh, that smile!

     Neil also had a chair in the corner of our dining room designated for just his stuff during those busy high school years.  It was a place he could put his wallet, keys, backpack, guitar, and whatever else he needed for the next day for school, practices, church, and work.  At times his chair exploded and half the dining room held his stuff.  This would lead to the two of us having a little “chat”, and he would be instructed to tame the beast a bit.  I would get so frustrated with that kid at times!  Funny thing is…now I can’t remember the last time I had to remind him to clean up that corner.  Now the chair is empty.  Not just empty for a few days, but now it stays empty.  That corner is clean as a whistle.  There is actually dust that settles on that chair now.  No longer do we have to step over or around his backpack, gym bag, and/or guitar.  Other experienced moms told me this would happen.  They even instructed me to enjoy those messes because one day the mess makers would be gone.  They were so right!  Oh what I wouldn’t give for that messy chair in the corner just one more time!

He was involved in the music program at Calvary Academy.  His senior year he was the Scarecrow in the spring musical, The Wizard of Oz. 

Basketball and music keep him busy!

The process of parenting is like that.  Not so much milestones all at once, but changes that gradually happen over time.  Each stage has his fun and not so fun times, but each is a treasure!  For 18 years we have worked to prepare Neil for this time in his life.  We invested, we sacrificed, we worried, we prayed, we lost sleep, we wept, we laughed, we celebrated, we directed, we guided, we set boundaries, we encouraged, we cheered him on, and we wondered at times how he would make it in this crazy mixed up world.  In fact, graduation from high school hasn’t changed any of those things.  We still do them today; our job as parents never ends.  However, our role in Neil’s life has changed!  He is now a young adult.  It’s time for him to go out and be the man God has called him to be.  He gets to decide the course he takes.  He gets to follow his dreams.  He gets to make his own choices.  I love what a friend of mine shared with her children at this time in their lives – “The best is yet to come!”  That is so true!  There are so many awesome, wonderful things ahead of Neil right now!  As a parent, it’s hard to be sad when you know your child is ready.  I mean….this is what we’ve worked towards the past 18 years! 

He's a great big brother!  Popping in to visit us at Sam's baseball game!  Sam was so excited to have Neil there!

      He graduated on a Friday night, had his party on Saturday afternoon, spent Sunday with friends, and moved out to his summer job at a local church camp on Monday.  He’s been home a few times for a quick visit this summer, but he lives out at camp full time.  He loves it!  In fact, he gets to work right up until the day before it is time for us to move him into his dorm at Lincoln Christian University in just a little over three weeks.  So, it’s official!  Our first fledgling has left the nest!  It went REALLY fast!  I’m not sure exactly when it happened though.  It didn’t happen all at once. It happened gradually, over time.  Gradually, over time, he was gone more than he was home.  Gradually, over time, his chair in the dining room was empty.  Not just empty for a few days, but this time it stayed empty.   So in this bittersweet moment, we celebrate.  We celebrate the empty chair.  We celebrate Neil!  We celebrate the opportunities before him!  We celebrate because it’s time for him to fly, and it is our prayer that he soars! 

We planted seeds so long ago!  Here he is wearing an LCC shirt!

LCU bound in less than 3 weeks!  So excited he is going to be a Red Lion!

Matters of the Heart

It’s been a very long time since I have updated this blog.  We have had one eventful year here in the Ferris household.  This time last year we had only been home from China for a few weeks with Andrew and had begun to recover from jet lag and learn how to be a family of seven.  We had an awesome vacation in Gulf Shores, AL in August right before school began and it was heavenly.  It was very hard to return from our favorite place; we love those white sandy beaches!

Only a few days into our new school year I had heart issues.  My heart decided to go racing along at 240 beats per minute.  I’ve never been to medical school, but I have watched enough medical sitcoms on television to know the words “crash cart” are not good ones to hear when you are the one on the bed with wires attached to you.  It was one of the scariest times of my life.   As my ER room began to quickly fill up with some incredibly awesome doctors and nurses, I began to pray and talk to my Great Physician.  I acknowledged that He was the one in charge of what was going on in that room and asked him to take care of me.  We had quite the conversation, which was a bit one sided, but the Great Physician is also my Heavenly Father so he understood and I was in good hands.  The medical team working finally had to sedate me and shock my heart back into rhythm.    What a glorious feeling it was to wake up and be able to take in a deep breath of air!

One of the nurses during that time had been at my head telling me everything that was going on.  She was so kind and compassionate.  At one point I grabbed her hand and she grabbed mine back and began to rub my forehead in a very soothing manner.  Later she thanked me for being calm during the entire ordeal.  She. Thanked.  Me.  I still find that ironic since I am the one that is grateful for all she and the medical staff did for me and my family.  In the next 24 hours my husband Brad and I heard from more than one of the doctors and nurses that I could have died from my rapid heartbeat because at that high rate the heart was no longer really pumping blood but fluttering which was why we had a hard time finding a pulse on my wrist which led us to go to the ER in the first place.

Some would say I’m lucky to be alive, but I know beyond a shadow of a doubt it was not luck.  It is by the grace of God that I am still here today.  Each day is a gift.  Each moment is a gift.  Each hug from my children is a golden chain around my neck.  Each kiss I can give my husband is priceless.  In an instant things can change and your entire world can be turned upside down.  Tomorrow is not promised.  This afternoon is not promised.  While I knew that, I did not live my life like that.  I took for granted so many things, especially time.  I told myself I would have time later to write that note, play that game with my son, read that chapter with my daughter, tell that friend how much I appreciate them, plan that date with Brad, etc…because I just didn’t have time.   Even though I would tell you my family and friends were more important than a list of things to do, how I chose to spend my time really revealed what I thought was more important.  Ouch!  Yes, that one hurt.

Two and one half cardiac ablations later I am pleased to report I am doing great.  However, my heart issues really drew out matters of the heart far deeper than the muscle pumping blood in my body.   How I use my time, my money, and resources really revealed a lot about what I really believed over what I said I believed.   I’ve been given this one life, and now I have been given a second chance with it.  I’m not perfect and I will still make mistakes, but I have a new perspective.  So I leave you today with this lesson I learned because matters of the heart apply to me, you, our nation and our world.   Invest yourself in what really matters because we are not promised tomorrow; in an instant it all can change.